While I do not completely agree or disagree with critics’ claims regarding the impacts of hookup culture, I do believe that there is one downplayed, but troubling, consequence: Perhaps we, as a generation, are failing to form functional and meaningful relations with others.”Perhaps it is because hookups often lack conversation that many of us have become mute in our own interactions — even with basic friendships. I was thinking about the persistence of the “empowerment” meme, and how to tackle it, when I came across a recent post by Amelia Mc Donell-Parry, Editor-in-Chief of The Frisky.
We’ve forgotten how to talk to each other and how to share experiences with each other — heart− and gut−wrenching experiences, like the time your girlfriend cheated on you. The Frisky is a site for women that covers celebrity gossip, fashion, sex and relationships. Parry shares a lot about her personal life on The Frisky, and a couple of years ago wrote how her fiance had dumped her out of the blue one day, taking up with someone new shortly thereafter. Then the sun comes up…rolling over, I look at the person I slept with and I wonder if they felt as awesome as I did the night before. I just hate that the high I get from them—the control, the confidence, the courage—doesn’t last.”That is one of the most painful things I’ve read, and I share it here not to benefit from someone else’s hurt, or to say “I told you so,” but because this woman has worked hard to communicate to thousands of female readers that casual sex is empowering.
If more of us expanded our awareness, it would deepen our relationships and impact on how we felt within our experiences, especially since our viewpoint changes when we stop wearing a low self-esteem lens.
We can often be afraid to have an honest conversation with ourselves, to listen and respond kindly, to keep a Feelings Diary, or write Unsent Letters to help us not only release ourselves from the bind of anger, pain, and resentment but to also be the driver of changing our narrative on experiences from the past inform our self-image.
When we say, “I like and accept myself” or similar, we’re not saying that we’re narcissists or aspiring to be; that would be to have a very shallow relationship that’s reliant on collecting “supply” and crushing others so that we can big ourselves up.
Having a healthier relationship with ourselves means our mental, emotional, physical and spiritual health will reap the benefit plus we come at our relationships from a place of love, care, trust and respect.
We are empowered by doing a job well, having the love and loyalty of friends and family, becoming educated, preparing for the responsibility and rewards of adulthood.
Looking at sex as a way to feel a sense of accomplishment seems terribly wrong, and sad.
Rendering him putty in your hands, literally, means that for that moment, you have the upper hand.
I don’t think sex is a very good source of empowerment.